A Polish man married an American woman, and even though his English wasn’t perfect, they got along just fine.

One day, he bursts into a lawyer’s office, looking panicked.

Man: “I need a divorce! Please help!”

Lawyer: “A divorce? Well, that depends on your situation. Do you have any grounds?”

Man: “Yes, yes! One acre and a nice little house.”

Lawyer: “No, I mean—what’s the foundation of your case?”

Man: “Oh! Made of concrete.”

Lawyer: “Sir, do you and your wife have a grudge?”

Man: “No need! We have a carport!”

Lawyer: “Let’s try again… what are your relations like?”

Man: “All still in Poland.”

Lawyer: “Sir, has there been any infidelity in your marriage?”

Man: “Oh yes! We have hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player.”

Lawyer: “No, I mean… does your wife ever beat you up?”

Man: “No, no, I wake up before her every day!”

Lawyer: Getting frustrated. “Then why do you want a divorce?”

Man: “Because she tries to k-i.l.l me!”

Lawyer: “What?! What makes you think that?”

Man: “I have proof! She buys a bottle at the drugstore… puts it in the bathroom!”

Lawyer: “And what did the bottle say?”

Man: “Right on label… ‘Regular Polish Remover!’”

A couple eats at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.”

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the pot’s lid rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

“Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband.

He hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Sputtering in a fit of pique, he calls the waiter over, describes what is happening, and demands an explanation!

“Please sir,” says the waiter, “what you order?”

The husband replies, “Chicken Surprise.”

“Ah… so sorry,” says the waiter, “I bring you Peeking Duck.”

LOL!!